By Paul Fiore, Copywriter

The new “I don’t have a TV”.

Around 2008, there was a certain kind of person who walked into a room and announced, “I don’t have a TV”.

They loved to watch the horrified reaction of those around them. It was their badge of honour. In fact, the only reason these people liked not having a TV was so that they could tell people that they didn’t have a TV. It made them feel superior, like they were somehow above the masses, all the mindless drones hooked up to the IV drip of a television screen.

But now that the “I don’t have a TV” statement has lost its shock value, they’ve discovered a new way to get attention:

“I don’t have Facebook”.

When someone says this, please be gentle. They are on a rocky journey from Facebook denial to Facebook acceptance, and should be treated with extreme caution.

The Five Stages of Facebook grief.

DENIAL
“Facebook won’t last. It is just MySpace with better hype.”

ANGER
“I do not care to read tediously boring status updates. Everything on Facebook is complete drivel.”

FEAR
“I am scared of identity theft. They are always watching. Also, I am fearful my creepy co-workers will Photoshop my face without my knowledge.”

SADNESS
“I do not like having fun. My hobbies include golf, strangling little animals and killing dreams.”

ACCEPTANCE
“OK, I will secretly check Facebook daily, but will not start an account. Or maybe I will, but will not tell anyone I have one.”

 

Do you know anyone who’s not on Facebook? I’m certain they’d like to read this, so make sure you share this post on their timeline.